On the 17th March 2022 was pet scan day. And 18th March 2022 was results day. A day I remember so clearly, but would love to forget.
Talking about results is never an easy thing, hearing results is just as hard. Sometimes we just can't face what we hear and sharing it on my blog would make it so much more real, as it would be out there for the world to read. So I limited my post with just facts of what I wanted users to read. This is exactly what I didn't want to do but felt I wasn't ready to share. My blog, is meant to be about the roar facts of my journey. Now I'm ready to tell the hard truth of actually what went down. I'm ready!
It was a day of darkness as I tried to pull myself to the light. A day of reality check. We new my cancer was progressing and treatment had to change. What we didn't expect is the Pet scan photograph to be handed to us and my reality just became real.
I looked and Brandon, Brandon looked at me. And so my light began to fade away. "The black spots are the cancer." So I quickly responded, my whole brain has cancer? No there are exceptions that are black, brain, heart and bladder. But the rest is cancer. My world crumbled around me and my light became dark.
So we finally ask the hardest question:How long do I have? With this kind of prognosis I would say anything from 3 to 5 years. A patient of a similar finding got 3 years. I'm sorry to have tell you this, were words I thought I would never here. My light was gone, my eyes were streaming, my world just disappeared.
After we left the only people we told were our parents. My dad cried on the phone as I tried to help him deal with my new reality. We never wanted to hear these words about your life but it's all part of the journey. Processing and filing all this information was hard. Accepting it was even harder. You not accepting that you might die, you accepting that your cancer is progressing.
We then started the new chemo which was a tablets morning and night, the wheels where still falling off though. I was getting worse and after 3 cycles a CT Scan was called for on the 31st May 2022. Again scanxiety arrives as we waited. Waiting waiting...... it never gets easy, but knowing you have a answer coming and knowing we then can plan a way forward helps you get through it. My tumour markers where sitting at 89.9 and my liver was struggling.
As per my blog my CT scan results: "So what can I say……. There’s a new tumour that’s decided to hang out with his buddies. They having a fucken party in my liver and really it’s time to tell them all to fuck off!" As I started Kadcyla, I let my body do the talking and I am just listening to what it needs. Bed and sleep. As I drifted in and out I really thought this was my time. I didn't know if I was going to make it out the other side alive with high temps and cold shivers I really took strain.
Let's fast forward to now....Now 7 months later. Another scanxiety has arrived, after 6 rounds of Kadcyla. And the results are in, and I'm here Thriving! It's taken me a few days to digest it as the results are unreal. Unreal that i just can't believe it. Kadcyla is working. Below is the table of my tumours in my liver. You can clearly see how well they doing.
"Hey Little fighter things are getting brighter!"
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